How I Became Gender Critical

The spiral that started it all.

March of 2022.

I'm in the emergency room. First time in 17 years I'd been in a hospital for something going on with me.

I'm having gnarly stomach pains. Morphine barely helped with it. The entire time I thought it was my appendix. "Whatever." I thought. "They'll take it out, I'll be good in a few days. No biggie."

After a urine test, blood work, and a CT scan with contrast dye, I finally get some answers. My mother and I are sitting in a room off of the ER. The doctor comes in and says the following:

"Hey Haley. Your urine sample looks good, you're slightly dehydrated, but that's normal as you've been sick. You are slightly anemic, but you knew that already you said. You look really healthy, do you take good care of yourself?"

My reply: "Yeah, I kickbox, I lift weights, I don't eat fast food or drink soda or alcohol. I'd argue I'm healthier than 90% of people."

He nods in agreement, looks at my mom and says "is this your mother?"

"Yes."

"So I assume it's okay to talk about everything in front of her?"

At this point I am very well aware something is wrong. It is not my appendix.

"I'm afraid I don't have good news." He starts off.

"We found a mass on your ovary. It is ovarian cancer. We need to run tests to make sure it hasn't spread, but given it's size, it may have already. I'm sorry for the bad news."

He walked out of the room and my life flashed before my eyes.

The very first thing that runs through your mind is "oh shit, I am gonna die."

And then your family, your friends, everyone close to you or that has ever been close to you pops into your head.

I can't think straight. My mind is running a mile a minute and I am still in an unbelievable amount of pain.

After more tests, ultrasounds, and a referral to an OB we find out it is most likely not cancer. It is a fibroid tumor on my uterus, but a hysterectomy will be needed.

While all of this is going on, a friend of mine is transitioning. MtF. On top of that, the Roe v Wade controversy is a hot topic.

I immediately have to change my diet plan, my workout plan, and stop kickboxing for months. While the tumor wasn't cancer, it was still a very large tumor, and doing the body builder way of life wasn't what was needed at the time.

I'd worked very hard on all of this for a year. Having to stop it really really hurt. But, it's par for the course so we move forward.

One day, I'm laying in bed on a day I was supposed to go kickboxing but couldn't. I'm feeling defeated, torn up, and still in pain despite the pain killers they'd given me. My surgery isn't for another month.

I'm scrolling through social media, and I see a post from my MtF friend regarding Roe V Wade. His words on the matter were "just another way us women are oppressed. It hurts to be a woman."

"It hurts to be a woman" said the overweight man in a skirt with green hair.

"It hurts to be a woman" read the woman who was told she had ovarian cancer days before and who's life got flipped upside down in a millisecond.

"It hurts to be a woman" heard the mother of the 29 year old daughter who got a cancer diagnosis.

It does. But it's not like he'd fucking know that.

Any pain I had turned into unimaginable rage. I could have ran a mile in that moment.

"Does this make me a transphobe?" I thought in a brief second of calm...

"If it does I don't fucking care. This is scuffed." I replied to myself.

This is where I started to become critical of the whole movement. See, I had wanted to have a hysterectomy for years. I tried at 21 and was told no. I tried at 25 and was told no. Both times the reason citied was "You might change your mind one day."

I laid on a hospital bed, begging for any drug they'd give me to make the pain stop. Me, someone who doesn't even drink, was taking morphine like it was my last days on earth.

Finally, I had a medical reason to do it, and finally someone said yes. Finally, I got what I had wanted for years. No more painful periods. No more hormone swings that ruin a solid few days out of the month for me.

Now, with this "movement" a 16 year old can get one without parental permission. They told me to avoid HRT at all costs, given "how young I am" at almost 30 years old. But 14 year olds are given puberty blockers and HRT freely.

It hurts to be a woman.

Which is why I recommend men just stay men, and let the women that have always dealt with it, deal with it.